Ethical Madness

Title: There are things that cannot be forgiven
Fandom: F1
Pairing: Felipe Massa/Rob Smedley
Rating: R/Blue Flag
Beta:aitakute, quickest beta ever :D
Disclaimer: Yet another figment.
A/N: I wrote this in a few hours last evening in the wake of the Australian GP, ignoring all the other unfinished fics I have. I'm too thrilled about finally having finished something to freak about how rusty and weird this is but let it be a warning for you. I spent a while typing it up on the iPod (oh the damn frustration, I want my computer back). Feedback is still highly important to me so don't hold back :)

"Please."

They're lying on the bed, fully dressed, facing each other, their entwined hands between them on the pillow.

Rob looks at him, studying his face like he always does, blue eyes filled with intent, hair ruffled.

"Please, Rob. Need..."

Felipe feels slightly drunk, even though he hasn't had more than two beers. It's been a bad race. He'd imagined it could be pretty bad, especially after qualifying, but reality feels much worse. Albert's Park is definitely not one of the circuits he shines on. He knows it doesn't matter, that it's only the beginning of the season, that he's feeling much more crestfallen than called for. He used to have better feelings at the start of the season, no matter the outcome of the first race. Now he can only worry. The car doesn't feel right. Nothing feels right.

Rob's free hand cups his cheek, thumb stroking the skin over the bone.

"I know."

Of course he knows. Rob knows him better than anyone. Better than his parents, better than his wife. There's Rob and then there's the rest of the world. This is how it's been since day one.

The fingers on his cheek slide down to his neck and he arches it in response.

"Please."

His blood is boiling with need, heartbeat strong and fast. He remembers being this frantic after Interlagos, needy, desperate, the blood of his ancestors taking over his reason. He'd never behaved like that before, not with Rob, not with anyone, but Rob knew exactly how to deal with him. It was the first time he'd dared to leave marks on Rob, the purplish imprint of teeth on his neck and fingers on his hips. Rob had replied in kind. It had been careless. Rafaella had noticed, of that much he was sure. She'd made no comment but she'd been distant for weeks.

"There are things that cannot be forgiven," Rob had told him a few days afterwards. "They know, of course, and they manage to forgive us, but if we flaunt it in their faces it only hurts them more."

Michael had told him something of the sort when Felipe's relationship with Rob started deepening. There are things that cannot be forgiven.

"We marry them to betray them," Felipe'd whispered after a particularly tense breakfast when Rafaella had left the table without speaking to him.

Rob kisses him slowly, with a patience and a care for detail that Felipe lacks completely. His leg twists around Rob's waist, pulling his body closer, pressing them together.

They're still wearing jeans and team shirts. Felipe had collapsed on the bed the moment they got in the hotel room and Rob had followed, taking Felipe's hand in his.

Rob disentangles himself from Felipe and kneels on the bed, taking his shirt off and tossing it on the floor under Felipe's gaze. He moves when Rob beckons him to, trying to control the urge to rip his own clothes off, along with Rob's jeans. He's not like this, generally. He enjoys it when Rob takes his time with him, when it lasts for hours instead of minutes but now he needs...he needs. There's nothing but need. This is how he reacts to failure lately. No difference between the end of the old season and the start of the new one.

"Another failure," he whispers against Rob's lips after Rob has taken his shirt off as well.

"No. No. It'll be better."

"Show me."

Two buttons are popped, zippers are lowered, jeans and briefs are discarded. Rob pushes Felipe back on the bed before covering his body with his own.

"You're my driver."

Words spoken against his skin, written in kisses and the caresses of Rob's fingers.

"And I love you."

It's not supposed to be like this. Felipe's always known about the secret affairs ever-present in their world but he hadn't expected to be a part of one and he certainly hadn't expected love. He trusted Rob, but drivers weren't supposed to sleep with their engineers as much as they were supposed to trust them. Truth be told, few other engineers were like Rob, if any. The first time was after another bad race. Rob was there, all blue eyes and rosy lips and warm skin. Rob was there, gentle, inviting, irresistible. It all progressed from that moment.

"I trust you with my life," Felipe had said when dawn was breaking in Sao Paulo, bringing an end to the most emotion-ridden weekend of his life.

He shouldn't love anyone apart from his wife, but he can't stop himself. Those blue eyes, the way Rob looks like in the mornings. Rob is his refuge.

"Please."

He's clutching strands of Rob's hair as he gasps for air. He can't think, he can only feel and plead for more.

"Please, now. Now, now, now."

After another kiss, he gets his wish, Rob inside him, around him, everywhere, nothing but the scent of him, the taste of him, the sight of him, the sound of him, the feel of him. Perfect.

He listens to Rob's breathing afterwards. Rob always falls asleep with his head on Felipe's chest after sex. Exhaustion tugs at the edges of his consciousness and yet he can't drift into sleep. There's a message from his wife on the screen of the phone in his hand. A simple question: "Breakfast together?"

He stares at the words for a long time, at her name, before he snaps the phone shut and tucks it under the pillow, alarm clock set.

There are things that cannot be forgiven. He won't be the one powerful enough to change that statement.

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