Ethical Madness

Well, here's chapter one of my "book". I've totally changed it, I've changed it quite a lot because I really wasn't satisfied with what I wrote two years ago.
This goes for Natalia, because she read the prologue and is curious about the rest. I hope you won't be disappointed!
Pardon all grammatical and spelling errors. By the way, all the characters and the plot are mine. References to real bands, singers, actors, books, discs and real persons in general, those persons and things don't belong to me, I didn't make them, but all the rest is mine. *g*

( Chapter 1 - Markus )

I remember the first thing that hit me when I arrived in Spain was the warmth of the sunlight. Really, it might sound awfully strange but it's the pure truth. It's a warm light in the summer, anything but the brightness of the Romanian summer sunlight. Mind you, the Spanish summer sun (not the Texas song), is scorching, but the light is beautiful especially after three o'clock. I'm looking at it now, filtering through the white curtains and illuminating my pillow with this surreal light. I never thought sunlight would fascinate me so. Whenever I went to the beach I simply hated having to stay in the sun, I usually spent all the time in the water, much to my mother's dismay. Of course she let me stay in the water as much as I pleased but she wanted me to get a tan as well. I don't think I've ever gotten a tan. I tanned my back last year after a horrible sunburn :-/ but no other place. And now I've tanned my arms just by going outside rollerblading or being sent on errands by Mum. But I never manage to get an acceptable tan. Picture this: when I'll go back to school in September, all my sexy, beautiful girl class-mates will be brown and I'll be the same as I was before vacations started. They were already brown in June. OK, I've accepted the fact that I'll never look as good as them and I probably deserve their looks of superiority when they see me, but...oh well. I'll never be beautiful. A girl once told me I'd never get a boyfriend these days because they only go out with beautiful, slim girls, and I'm not part of that group.

A friend from Romania sent me a test-thingy. It's rather stupid, but oh-so-teenagey:

Would you ever be able to love me, if so why?
What do you like of me as much as you've known me?
What don't you like about me?
And what is my greatest thing?

Love a duck, how stupid. And I had to answer these questions truthfully to my friend, without hurting her. A bit hard...I don't think she'll speak to me again. God, I hate hurting people's feelings, it's the worst thing I can do. I remember myself being this arrogant little spoiled mature brat. What happened to that Yasmine? In some ways I liked her better. She wasn't wallowing in depression and self-hatred. She had friends even if she was a bitch.
I've made mistakes, so many mistakes. SHE, of course, was my biggest mistake. And yes, I know everyone makes mistakes but hell, not so many in a year and a half. I never really loved her, that's the funny part. She was my obession, but I didn't love her, and she didn't love me either. I thought I loved her, I really did. I don't know how I woke up, but I did and I saw this pathetic 14-year-old teenager that didn't make any friends and that was suffocated and depending totally on a Dementor. All this happened last March. You know, I've said this before, after communicating her through MSN that I did not love her anymore, if I ever did, I felt relief sweeping through me. A month or two later she told me she never wanted to speak to me again because of the way I've treated. Of course, after my wake-up call I treated her like she treated me because I can be a bitch too. And yesterday she started a conversation with me. She probably misses me but I sure as hell won't let her destroy me again. I'm just building myself up again. I can breathe, now that she isn't a shadow over my life I can see the sunlight again, I can feel its warmth and I'm starting to be happy and now I can write again (I couldn't write almost anything the year and a half I've been her friend), I've made some great friends on f1slash that supported me. And Veera and Steph and ocassionally Luke. I couldn't have done it without you guys. Without Anna, Pia, Lazvernius, Natalia, April Cooper :-), Yeti, Alecki, Tina, Emma and all the others. And what would I have done without dana_w's superb drawings?
I'm off to catch some bunnies by the ears and feed them some of that good food Yeti throwed them. I've got millions of plots in my head and I'd better catch one of them and get started.
*hugs and kisses to everyone*

BTW, I'm moving to another apartment yet again because the landmistress has got it leased for the month of August to some French guys. I have to move tomorrow and we still haven't found a place to stay due to the fact that everyone rents apartments this August at astronomical prices. Check this out, gang: 3000 euros for a small two-bedroom apartment, only for a month. *shudders¨*
God help us all.
Hey, I found my double dots! Look: Kimi Räikkönen. YAY!! Well, I've found it on my computer because it was once a german keyboard even though a tech transformed my ö in ñ due to spanish words, but I can't find them at the net cafe's comps so sorry to all Germans and Finns if I use a word and am not able to double dot.
And happy b-day Nano!!

Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!

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Y	Yummy
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